Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
