I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
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I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
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I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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