I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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