I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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