im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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