Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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