he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
