My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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