There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
barbara walters just said penis...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
