Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
