I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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