And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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