I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
