You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
