he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
