so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
