I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
