There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
MIDGETS
????
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
