STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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