oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
