idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
