Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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