So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
