he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
