When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
