All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
