True but thats because hes a fetus.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
