Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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