i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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