On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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