Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
