Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
