I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
