So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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