North Korea, Best Korea!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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