I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
