He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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