Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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