Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
