yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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