I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
