I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
