I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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