this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
