I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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