the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
