For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
