Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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