I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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