sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
