wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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