He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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