I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
