I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
