Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
