he wants to bone in the snuggie
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
