just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
