I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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