So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
