Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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