You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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