I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
