My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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