Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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