I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
