woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I forget how to act sober
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